15 Things to Watch During Tuesday’s Hotly Anticipated Presidential Debate

It is once again debate time! The last time the country went through this, an incoherent, decrepit old man rambled through 90 minutes of excruciating inanity; also, Joe Biden was there.

Months later and now knee-deep in a brand new race between Kamala Harris and Donald Trump, tens of millions will tune in Tuesday night to hear ostensibly where the two stand on a variety of policy issues but more realistically just how vicious, racist, and misogynist Trump’s attacks might get and how skillfully Harris might parry them. It will make for riveting television, I’m sure — if you’re into that sort of thing. The viewing experience for it might also be described as “excruciating,” or “equivalent to being stabbed in the eyes and ear drums by a thousand tiny needles,” or perhaps just “unwatchable.”

With those adjectives in mind, here are some things to watch during the debate, which airs at 9 pm ET on ABC:

1. Bats flitting about in front of the rising moon

2. A boiling pot of water

3. Your dog, asleep on the floor

4. The 1992 Vice Presidential debate between Al Gore, Dan Quayle, and James Stockdale

5. Paint drying

6. The Bee Movie but every time they say “bee” it speeds up by 15 percent

7. The 1931 Fritz Lang serial killer classic M, which I recently discovered has a shot that seems to have explicitly inspired the very cool animation for Ridley and Tony Scott’s production company Scott Free

8. Season 8, episode 1 of The Simpsons

9. The long, slow decline of American empire

10. An awkward interaction between two apparently distant acquaintances in some difficult-to-escape situation like a subway ride

11. The detectives

12. Your dog, still asleep, making one of those odd harrumphing noises as she flips from her side onto her back like an adorable dying insect

13. Rebel Ridge

14. The joy and wonderment on a small child’s face

15. Paint, dried