A Brief History of Fighting Online

As long as human beings have known that they were right about and/or are entitled to everything, we’ve had fights. The internet has merely helped us to do this in a far more organized fashion than having to go through the trouble of clubbing an enemy in a cave over his foolish insistence that K-Ci & JoJo is not the greatest R&B duo of the late 90s, or of finding a single white glove suitable for slapping a frenemy in the face and challenging her to a duel every time she tries to act like Lindsay Lohan’s reality show is not the most important thing to talk about right now.

And we’ve only gotten better at it over time:

Message Board

What better place to argue than a virtual hang out spot replete with like-minded individuals who are not as right about anything as you are?

LiveJournal

After we had our fill of fighting on a message board dedicated to, say, R&B acts of the late 90s, we elected to vent our frustrations in a more passive, less confrontational manner. Writing in a semi-private online diary allowed us to vent, but also gossip about people right to their faces without actually seeing their faces. It was perfect, basically, until you the person you called a “Toné-loving butt munch” in algebra II the next morning.

Gchat Status Update

Of course, there may be the chance that you’d like to be even more passive-aggressive when attempting to fight with someone online. In that case, you’d craft a diabolically genius jewel of a gchat status update that could be about the subject your ire… or about anyone at all! Mwhaha! And, chances are, the person you despire will go crazy wondering if it’s about her or about any of the other dozens of people at whom that K-Ci & JoJo lyric might be aimed.

YouTube

This is where you go to fight if you are literally made of garbage. Just, like, actual garbage in a vaguely human shape. A real garbage person.

Garbage.

Subtweet

Subtweets are gchat status updates for a whole new generation of the mean-but-cowardly who don’t quite know how to confront people who are so wrong about “All My Life.”