All the Big Online Prediction Boys Are Not Mad, Having a Normal Election Night

Tonight is incredibly stressful for everyone who covers politics, but I can say with certainly that we in the Splinter newsroom are far less stressed than the big prediction boys, who were frantically banging on the hoods of their prediction-machines to get them to do stuff.

Over at Nate Silver’s FiveThirtyEight, the site’s real-time election tracker started fucking up earlier tonight before suddenly dropping Democrats’ chances to take back the House to less than 40 percent.

This, understandably, freaked a lot of people out, as taking back the House was widely viewed as Democrats’ best arena to make gains tonight. But wait! Another Polling Boy at the site popped in to say those predictions are “too aggressive, in my opinion.”

Wait, so, what’s happening? Who knows! Not Nate Silver, that’s for sure, but don’t worry, he’s not mad about it at all.

Let’s see if the prediction boys over at the New York Times are faring any better! Oh god, the election needle is down. Oh god, the election needle is down?!

A… rehashing of 2016, but better for Democrats so… not a rehash… of 2016?? Nate, what does this mean. Please, Nate. Predict for me. Please predict.