Andrew Cuomo Will NOT Fuck the Airport Terminal

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo spoke on Wednesday at the ribbon-cutting ceremony for JFK Airport’s storied TWA terminal, which is set to become a new luxury hotel. And because this is infamously eloquent, totally smooth-talking Cuomo here, things got, uh, a little weird.

“I can’t refer to a terminal as a ‘sexy terminal,’” Cuomo opined to the muted laughter of the crowd. “That would raise all sorts of follow-up questions.” Would it really? Who’s to say?

But Cuomo plowed ahead, delving deeper into the hypothetical architectural erotica that seemingly exists only in his head. “Is it a male terminal? Is it a female terminal? What is the sexual orientation of the terminal? How do you touch the terminal?” Cuomo asked, adding that: “It would be a whole complicated thing.”

Cuomo’s musings come at around the three-minute mark, below:

Cuomo appeared to be responding to developer Tyler Morse’s earlier comment that JFK was the “sexiest airport” which, although categorically false, would have been a completely benign bit of situational aggrandizement had the governor not gotten extremely icky about the whole thing.

Still, now that it’s squarely in the public record, the people of New York can rest easy knowing that Andrew Cuomo will not, under any circumstances, have sex with that airport terminal.

Whew.