Area Man Craves Human Contact

Scott Adams, creator of the workplace “humor” comic Dilbert, has many things: money, fame, an unwavering faith in President Trump, and perhaps most importantly, a big dumb castle shaped like his iconic character’s big dumb face.

What he doesn’t have, apparently, are any new ideas. Which is why he asked you, office drones of the world, to please invite this lonely, jammies-wearing man into your meeting today. After all, that finite supply of jokes (?) about copy machines and cubicles ain’t gonna restock itself.

As befits someone who’s devoted his whole career to the glorification of bosses, Dilbert man won’t even charge you for the privilege of having your lives mined for his professional well being. Wow, how generous!

Besides, look at the guy: He’s just a normal dude—grinning in his big, empty mansion, with a mug (empty?) and bowl of indeterminate white goop. Who wouldn’t want Scott carefully taking notes about your every workplace interaction in between musings about the “Charlottesville hoax” and whether Hillary Clinton would “trigger a race war in the United States.”

Please, invite this man to your meetings. He needs new ideas. He needs sustenance. He needs friends.