British NBA Commentary Is British

So, the NBA started last night. But let’s be real here, no one really cares about the NBA at the beginning of the season. Which is why we’re taking a note from Miami Heat “fans,” and selectively concerning ourselves with basketball via this video where a British comedian provides commentary for last year’s NBA Finals.

The video more or less uses the notion that Brits don’t understand basketball, especially the NBA. (Interestingly while the NBA is incredibly internationally diverse, with players from 92 players from 32 countries on opening night rosters, none of those players were from the UK but ok enough real talk).

There’s some to-be-expected “We’re Going to Talk About This Sport Like It’s Soccer Because All We Care About Is Soccer”

“The left winger legs it into the penalty box”

“Blimey, they’re a bit goal shy, these lads”

Some “Totally British Things British People Would Definitely Say”

“Shrugs off challenges like a nonchalant Frenchman”

“Wowzers in me trousers! A 30-yard screamer! Then runs away like a lad who let one go in a phonebox.”

There’s some “Sports Ignorance Is Funny!”

“Look at him! He’s tiny! He’s like a little basketball baby. Nice of them to let him play.”
“He did a spinny, he didn’t get too dizzy. Lovely strike.”
“The janitors have come on. They think it’s all over.”

And our personal favorite:

“Cleaned up by Spurs like a teenager after a heavy Internet session”

So like cultures are different, and different cultures like different sports and we can be funny about it! We can make jokes (kind of expected jokes but whatever) about our differences!

The only real complaint we have here is that at the very end, the video compares Erik Spolestra to Bruno Mars. Jon Hamm did that at the ESPY’s last year and even if the ESPY’s are the world’s most pointless award show, NO ONE STEALS JON HAMM’S JOKES AND GETS AWAY WITH IT. NO ONE. (Jon, call me. I’m here for you.)