De Blasio to Fix the Country Like He Fixed the Subway

New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio is set to announce his 2020 campaign for president on Thursday, ending months of speculation, multiple news outlets reported late Wednesday afternoon.

De Blasio is set to make his official announcement in New York City’s Times Square during a live broadcast of ABC’s Good Morning America.

As befits a well-oiled operation, de Blasio’s campaign announcement seemed to be preempted by a spokesperson who confirmed rumors that he was beginning his candidacy to NBC News ahead of his splashy TV appearance.

The campaign also comes even after polling found three-quarters of his constituents, and many of his personal friends, agreed that he should not run for the White House—an impressive achievement, about which he recently said, “I’m glad I could unify the people of New York City.”

De Blasio’s announcement follows months of will-he-or-won’t-he over whether he would indeed toss his hat into the already overcrowded Democratic primary. It’s also slated to fall just one day after the mayor picked a bizarre online fight with President Donald Trump’s son Eric, who fired back that New York has “has gone to shit” under his administration.

Earlier this month, de Blasio admitted that his Fairness PAC had been conducting polling in Iowa, calling it “ just another part of understanding the dynamics.”

If elected, de Blasio will likely be forced to leave his days of grinning as rodents are murdered at his feet behind. On the other hand, perhaps as president he’ll actually get his act together and finally do something about the subway.