Death Thy Name is Jellyfish

Annihilation of the human race is at hand! Our demise will not come from nuclear fallout or global war. We will not be a conquered by a race of hostile aliens or our own soon-to-be evolved technology.

Make no mistake, however. We will have overlords. What’s worse is that they currently live among us, drifting aimlessly about the earth, brainless yet hungry. Our superior intellect is no match for their immortality. It is not the zombie apocalypse. No, our demise has but one name made up of two seemingly nonthreatening words. Death, thy name is jellyfish!

We have already given jellyfish the upper hand by allowing them to overpopulate. As you read this they continue to reproduce, wiping out entire fishing industries, capsizing vessels, and even clogging nuclear power plants.

The ocean will become one gelatinous blob. Urinating on one another will soon replace the handshake.

The future is bleak. Jellyfish don’t even reproduce like other creatures. They clone themselves several times over. Then the baby clones (or polyps) create even more clones.

Currently, South Korea has deployed a small army of jellyfish slicing robots. However, if you strike down a jellyfish it may become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

Slicing a jellyfish in half can often result in two jellyfish. So, while watching these marauding beasts shredded in to tiny pieces is delightfully satisfying, it may be both futile and detrimental.

It seems only fitting that while we’ve imagined every doomsday scenario—from asteroids to computer glitches— that this is how the world will end, not with a bang but a squish.