Democrats Trot Out Kennedy to Say Words in Response to Trump

After Donald Trump’s predictably horrifying State of the Union address, Congressman Joe Kennedy III, of Massachusetts, tried his hand at the opposition party’s response. It was a predictably anodyne, if particularly shiny-lipped, effort from the man who will probably be our president in 20 years.

“It would be easy to dismiss the past year as chaos,” Kennedy said, after waxing on about how Fall River, MA—the night’s backdrop of choice, with its high school autoshop and vague notion of “storms” challenging the “tough” locals—is emblematic of Everytown, USA.

“We are bombarded with one false choice after another,” he continued. “We choose both. We fight for both. Because the strongest, richest, greatest nation in the world shouldn’t leave anyone behind.”

As the response wore on, Kennedy emitted a misty-eyed, bred-for-politics optimism from a podium set up in front of a car with the hood propped open to suggest a Real American would reappear at any moment to commence their good, honest work.

In a direct response to one of Trump’s takeaway lines of the night—the anti-immigrant dig that “Americans are dreamers too,”—Kennedy addressed DACA recipients directly and in Spanish, telling them, “You are a part of our story.”

“Bullies may land a punch. They might leave a mark. But they have never, not once, in the history of our United States, managed to match the strength and spirit of a people united in defense of their future,” he concluded.

Most people weren’t listening because they were focused on whatever was going on with his mouth.

But it was fine enough. Political dynasties are good again. Nothing but respect for MY (future) president.