Donald Trump Finally Reuniting With Woman He Hates and Boy He Sort of Knows

For the past few months, there’s been a lot of speculation of whether or not FLOTUS Melania Trump and FKOTUS (First Kid?) Barron Trump would actually move to DC and join Donald Dearest after Barron’s school year ended. Amidst rumors and many reports that Melania just wanted “what’s best for Barron,” it looks like Barron will be attending St. Andrews Episcopal School in Maryland in the coming fall. Finally, the Trumps will be reunited! I am sure both the president and the First Lady are really, truly happy about this.

The school, which boasts a high school tuition of $40,000 a year, incorporates what the Washington Post calls “brain-based research” (as opposed to…foot-based research? What?) into its pedagogy. It also has an impressive sports program, although Donald Trump may have an issue with that seeing as how he believes that exercising burns up a “finite” amount of energy in the body and is bad for you. (When I was five, I believed the entire abdomen was an empty shelf and the food you ate just stacked up in it, and when you threw up, it was because the food was piled up so high in your throat that it just spilled out, but then again, I was A CHILD and not the 70-year-old president of the United States.)

In a statement released today, Melania Trump, who must be just thrilled to finally live with her husband again after four painstaking, Trump-less months in New York, said:

“We are very excited for our son to attend St. Andrew’s Episcopal School. It is known for its diverse community and commitment to academic excellence. The mission of St. Andrew’s is ‘to know and inspire each child in an inclusive community dedicated to exceptional teaching, learning, and service,’ all of which appealed to our family. We look forward to the coming school years at St. Andrew’s.”

I am totally sure both Donald Trump and Melania Trump are absolutely enthralled to be back together again, with Barron, whom Donald just loves being around, beside them. While Ivanka may have to make a little bit of room for Melania in the First Family’s Office (formerly known as the First Lady’s office), this could be a great opportunity for the president to finally take a little bit of a break from that job he is so dedicated to and also does a really good job at and totally understands what it consists of and get some precious family moments in with the wife and son he has seen like four times in the past four months.