Ellen Staunchly Defends Her Nauseating Friendship With George W. Bush

On Tuesday, Ellen DeGeneres responded to criticism of her revolting appearance with former president and creator of global misery George W. Bush at a Dallas Cowboys game—in private seats which she described as “very fancy.”

“During the game,” DeGeneres explained, “they showed a shot of George and me laughing together. And so, people were upset. They thought, ‘why is a gay Hollywood liberal sitting next to a conservative Republican president?’ Didn’t even notice I’m holding the brand new iPhone 11.”

This I believe, is what is formally known as rich people humor. Yes, Ellen, your new phone is very cool. Great for documenting fun times with friends.

There’s that amazing video quality! Again, so cool.

“Here’s the thing: I’m friends with George Bush,” DeGeneres said. “In fact, I’m friends with a lot of people who don’t share the same beliefs that I have. We’re all different, and I think that we’ve forgotten that that’s okay that we’re all different.”

She continued, setting up an impossible scenario: “When I say be kind to one another, I don’t mean only the people that think the same way that you do. I mean be kind to everyone. Doesn’t matter.”

Bush, unfortunately, has not followed the rule of being kind to everyone. In fact, he made an endless war. He has an enormous body count.

So it turns out that being nice to Bush means in turn disrespecting those whose lives were destroyed by his disastrous administration. You literally cannot be kind to everyone. You have to choose a side! Ellen certainly has.

As Splinter Deputy Editor Jack Mirkinson explained:

Don’t you just love it when America’s most beloved current talk show host participates in the continued whitewashing of the legacy of one of the worst and most despicable presidents of all time? What’s that you say about Iraq and Guantanamo and Katrina and waterboarding and, oh yes, very relevant for Ellen, the anti-gay bigotry? I guess Ellen can’t hear you.

DeGeneres then graciously thanked her hosts for the fun weekend activity: “Anyway, I want to thank [Dallas Cowboys owner] Jerry Jones, [daughter and Cowboys’ Executive Vice President] Charlotte Jones for hosting us and thanks, President Bush and Laura for a Sunday afternoon that was so fun. By the way, you owe me six dollars for the nachos.”

More rich people humor. Out here squabbling about money like commoners. I’m sure she has a totally fair sense of how far six dollars goes. What’s six dollars? Is it pocket change? A banana?

Jerry Jones’ net worth, according to Forbes, is $8.5 billion. He has been a major player in the oil and gas industry, where he made most of his money, since the 1970s.

Charlotte Jones was previously the chairman of the National Advisory Board at the Salvation Army, where Laura Bush is currently a member of the board. The organization has faced criticism over previous homophobic and transphobic actions.