Elon, I DDOS’d Your Trump Interview, It Was Me, I Did It
Photo by Saul Martinez/Getty Images
Mr. Elon sir, Lord Brilliant Brain Genius Man, I beg for your forgiveness. It was me. I did the extremely real DDOS attack on your Donald Trump interview on X: The Everything App yesterday. I know what a DDOS is. I went to the DDOS store. I said do a DDOS. They said pay me fifty bucks. I did it.
There appears to be a massive DDOS attack on 𝕏. Working on shutting it down.
Worst case, we will proceed with a smaller number of live listeners and post the conversation later.
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) August 13, 2024
Don’t listen to the fake news media citing your own employees who asserted this clearly never happened and is only an excuse that a stoned 14-year-old boy would come up with. I know it happened because I did it. I wasn’t trying to DDOS your interview, but the haters and losers trolling it. I wanted to help lay the red carpet out for Mr. Trump’s ceremonial tongue bath. I wanted to DDOS for good. Not for bad.
I fucked up, Elon. Please forgive me.
I never accounted for becoming the victim of another totally real DDOS attack that definitely happened after firing all my engineers and computer people who make the DDOS store work. When I said do a DDOS, I actually got DDOS’d by a different DDOS store as I did it. It’s a very long, very real and very true story, but I have been battling the bandits widely known by every smart internet human as the DDOS Gang for years now.
They’re the ones who went to the rival DDOS store and said to DDOS my DDOS. That’s how X: The Everything App got DDOS’d. I am sorry Elon. I have failed you. I will now do a shot of ketamine to honor your sacrifice.
In my attempt to weaponize their tool I definitely understand and could describe should someone ever ask me (but you should definitely not do that because the DDOS Gang will DDOS you just like they did to Elon and me), I opened myself to facilitating a double DDOS, the only thing powerful enough to overrule the shining beacons of integrity that are Elon Musk and Donald Trump.
I did the DDOS Elon. It was my fault. Blame me. Don’t blame X: The Everything App. You’re on a mission to save humanity, don’t listen to those fake news idiots saying you’re someone with a traumatic brain injury’s interpretation of George Jetson. You shouldn’t let a DDOS stop you from being one of this era’s most reviled widely beloved normal humans!
Honestly, this is shameful behavior on my part. Real sicko shit. Debasing myself for these fraudulent cretins? These small men with the world’s largest inferiority complexes launching full-blown assaults on everything that is beautiful in this world? I shouldn’t even be joking about those scoundrels in the DDOS Gang attacking our two perfect models of male masculinity. They’re scum.
Mr. Elon sir, I accept any responsibility and judgement you and Peter Thiel’s Blood Boy Council exact on me. I must stress that I just wanted to help, but I am willing to take a bullet for a much more powerful and flawed man who would not do the same for me. It’s the American way.