George Bush Being Dead Is Why You're Not Getting Mail Tomorrow

With Hanukkah in full swing and Christmas right around the corner, the government has decided that America’s gift givers-and-getters can probably stand to skip a day of standard mail delivery because former President George H.W. Bush died last week at the extremely ripe old age of 94.

In a statement released Monday, the United States Postal Service said that it will “suspend regular mail deliveries, retail services and administrative office activity on Dec. 5,” as part of Trump’s proclamation that Wednesday be a day of mourning for the elder Bush.

To be honest, I’m not not entirely clear what mailing a postcard or buying stamps actually has to do with the death of a president, but hey, just another one of life’s little mysteries, I suppose. In fact, this isn’t the first time the post office has fucked over people just waiting to get a birthday card, or trying to pay a bill, because a former president died. They did the same thing for Gerald Ford in 2007, Ronald Reagan in 2004, and so on, all the way back to JFK’s death in 1963.

In its release on Monday, USPS noted that:

We will provide limited package delivery service on that day to ensure that our network remains fluid and we do not experience any impacts to our package delivery operations that might negatively affect our customers or business partners during the remainder of our busy holiday season.

Because if there’s one way to properly pay tribute to the life of George H.W. Bush, it’s making sure your network remains fluid. That’s what Poppy would have wanted.