Help, I Can't Look Away From Joe Biden's Bloody Eyeball

While Joe Biden had a bit of an issue avoiding questions about the fossil fuel executive hosting a fundraiser for him on CNN’s climate town hall Wednesday, his eye started bleeding. And it kept getting redder. During the half-hour segment it got progressively worse, and I know I wasn’t the only viewer who couldn’t look away.

I cringe just thinking about it. I mean, what do you even call that? An eyeball malfunction? It’s like a nosebleed but a lot more gory. Spooky!

The former Vice President and 2020 Democratic hopeful, who is 76, has suffered health issues for decades, including two brain aneurysms in 1988. I feel for the guy, except that he is here running for President entirely on his own accord.

Biden could choose literally any fun retirement lifestyle he wanted. If the extremely stressful task of having your entire life and person scrutinized by everyone in the United States, hey—that’s fine! No hard feelings if you’re not up for it, pal.

Jill Biden wrote about her husband’s aneurysms in her 2019 memoir, Where the Light Enters: “Our doctor told us there was a 50-50 chance Joe wouldn’t survive surgery. He also said that it was even more likely that Joe would have permanent brain damage if he survived. And if any part of his brain would be adversely affected, it would be the area that governed speech.”

She also said that this experience of making decisions about her husband’s treatment made her have a realization. “In that moment,” she wrote, “I truly felt I was a Biden.”

Joe had a much more zen experience of his 1988 near-death experience, according to his book Promises to Keep:“I felt becalmed, like I was floating gently in the wide-open sea. It surprised me, but I had no real fear of dying. I’d long since accepted the fact that life’s guarantees don’t include a fair shake.”

Guys, is Joe okay?