Here Are Your Acceptable Media Narratives for the 2018 Florida Governor's Race

Last night, Andrew Gillum and Ron DeSantis won the Democratic and Republican primaries for governor in Florida, setting up what will be, for the political press corps, the most easily narrative-ized political race in the country. This shit is really being set up on a tee.

ACCEPTABLE MEDIA NARRATIVES FOR THIS RACE THAT YOU WILL HEAR ENDLESSLY BETWEEN NOW AND NOVEMBER

• Trump vs. Bernie (by proxy). “Progressive Upset Means A Sanders Vs. Trump Battle For Florida Governor.”
• Black vs. White. “Five years after the rise of Black Lives Matter — and against the backdrop of a White House that has inflamed racial tensions nationwide — Gillum’s upset win in Florida laid bare the potency of a new generation of black leaders gradually coming to power within the Democratic Party.”
• New South vs. Old South. “Despite DeSantis’ maverick history, you can expect the national media to shower Gillum with favorable coverage. Much like African-American gubernatorial nominee Stacey Abrams in Georgia, Gillum will be heralded as a symbol of a ‘New South’ that is progressive and focused on diversity.”
• Progressive vs. Cave Man. “Voters will choose between a candidate in DeSantis who wants to build Trump’s border wall and believes ‘people should have a right to pursue the healthcare that they want,’ and one in Gillum who wants to abolish Immigration and Customs Enforcement and create a Medicare-for-All system.”
• Blue Wave vs. Right Wing Populism (as overarching political paradigm of the year). “The specter of two young, hard-charging politicians who represent the beating heart of their parties facing off will supercharge the fall campaign.”

You can stay home and write these stories for the next two months. Florida actually stays very humid right through October.