I Beg to Live as Keke Palmer

The promotional cycle for Lorene Scafaria’s Hustlers (in theaters this Friday!) is the only thing keeping me alive!

One of the film’s co-stars, Keke Palmer, participated in what to me is a magnificently deranged video series with a conceit so obviously faked that I laugh every single time I see it: a lie detector test with Vanity Fair. (What exactly about a celebrity submitting to a polygraph screams “Vanity Fair!” is knowledge exclusive to Graydon Carter, apparently.)

So! Palmer, who is perhaps one of our generation’s greatest hams (especially on talk shows and late night), was asked about her past as the star of the Nickelodeon television series True Jackson: VP, in which a teenager is hired as a vice president of a New York City fashion company (why not!). The interviewer then asked:

VANITY FAIR: Would you say that True Jackson was a better VP than…Dick Cheney?

KEKE PALMER: Who the HELL is…y’all are really testing me on stuff that I…I hate to say it, I hope I don’t sound ridiculous—I don’t know who this man is. I mean, he could be walking down the street, I wouldn’t know a thing. Sorry to this man.

Sorry to this man.

Absolutely incredible. A fatality the Earth will be quivering from for eons.

In Palmer’s defense, she was seven when Cheney (with George W. Bush) was elected to the White House and she was steadily acting in films and television all through the Bush era. True Jackson: VP premiered…four days after President Obama was elected. Timely!

What I would give to my god and yours to have gone this long and not know a damn thing about Dick Cheney, an actual demon forged in the fires of hell to fuck up our entire lives for generations to come.