I'm Deeply Troubled to Report Stephen Miller Got a Girlfriend

The wonders of the world simply do not cease. As NBC News reported today, Vice President Mike Pence has hired a new press secretary, Katie Waldman. Immediately more intriguing: Waldman is apparently dating congenitally awful human Stephen Miller.

That news item-within-the-news immediately triggered a mass wave of revulsion that the man behind some of Donald Trump’s most inhumane, racist policies found someone to date him, with the phrase “Dating Stephen Miller” trending on Twitter.

Congrats to Stephen Miller on the sex (just kidding get fucked, in the bad way)! Sorry to ruin everyone’s day so early!