IN MODERN-DAY RUSSIA, Windows 10 is a scandalous starlet cartoon

Today, Microsoft is rolling out Windows 10, the latest and greatest the Redmond-based company has in the way of computer operating systems. In previous years, Microsoft’s relied on an emphatic Steve Ballmer, robot-fighting magical girls, and krumping girl scouts, to advertise its products. This year they’re upping the ante with a new set of…characters meant to introduce the new Windows 10 features.

Microsoft Russia just dropped a promotional video featuring an anthropomorphized Windows 10, a young Hollywood star, who’s ready to make her debut with Edge, her handsome, strapping boyfriend. Edge, you’ll remember, is Windows 10’s new browser meant to replace the old, decrepit Internet Explorer.

What happened to Windows Vista? Who’s Windows 10 wearing? Will she and Edge make it? Only time will tell.