Leading Republicans' statements about Donald Trump, translated
Following Donald Trump’s comments about the supposed racial prejudice of Judge Gonzalo Curiel, several Republicans have criticized the presumptive GOP nominee in interviews or statements.
Here, we’ve translated these politicians’ statements into what they really mean.
“I cannot condone what Donald has said” = I am horrified by the words that just came out of our nominee’s mouth
“He needs to change his tone as we approach the general election” = I hope he’s just racist in private from now on
“The primary voters have spoken, and he is our nominee” = I hate the primary voters
“I strongly disagree with his statement, but we must defeat Hillary” = I realize what he’s saying is racist, but I don’t care enough to do anything
“I am supporting the nominee of the Republican party” = I can’t say Donald Trump’s name out loud because my opponent will someday use the footage against me in a devastating attack ad
“Our country cannot elect Hillary Clinton” = I would vote for a vampire in a Klan robe before I vote for a Democrat, because my constituents terrify me
“I am hopeful I will be able to endorse the Republican candidate soon” = I hope Donald Trump swallows a magical de-Racisting bean soon
“I’m not here to talk about Donald Trump” = My press guy assured me this interview would be softballs only
“What we really should be talking about is Hillary Clinton’s emails” = What I really don’t want to talk about is whatever abhorrent thing Donald Trump just said
“I’m happy we’re having this conversation.” = Is it too late to nominate John Kasich?