Local Reporter Slowly Pedals Tricycle Around for a PSA About Driving While Stoned

“This is crazy,” FOX 4 reporter Dave D’Marko said.

“I feel like I shouldn’t be behind the wheel right now,” the middle-aged man, a true professional in every sense of the word, said from the seat of his royal blue, totally kickass tricycle.

In November, 65 percent of Missouri voters approved an amendment to legalize medical marijuana. As the state begins to figure out the finer details of how to regulate and tax the luscious plant, street patrol police officers are apparently very worried about the possibility of a sudden influx of stoned-as-hell drivers piling into their cars and hitting the road.

To help the cops get ahead on this, FOX 4 in Kansas City aired on Thursday what amounted to a PSA made with local police and a weed goggle manufacturer, the aim being to beg Missourians to put the keys down when da blunt is lit. The end result was a full-grown adult placing a pair of goggles meant to simulate the effects of being just absolutely destroyed off a legal bong rip and hopping on a tricycle to navigate an obstacle course.

As someone who has absolutely never once in his life cruised around the North Carolina backroads while slightly toasted, I salute D’Marko’s service journalism and hope the good people of Missouri heed his warning. (In all seriousness, please just light up or chow down after you get where you’re going, even if you really, really want to ride around and just jam to 17-minute Allman Brothers guitar solos. That, or grab a sober friend and make them haul your high ass around.)