My Idea: Replace Sean Spicer With Me on Dancing With the Stars

Former paid liar Sean Spicer is going to be on Dancing With the Stars, and a lot of people—including the show’s host and ABC staffers—are understandably unhappy about it.

Another grim reason to fear Spicer’s stint arrived this morning on Fox & Friends, where Spicer appeared to “show off” his dancing “moves” with one of the Fox News morning show’s co-hosts. It was all very charming!

Variety also reported that in addition to Spicer getting the chance to mambo his way back into America’s good graces, appearing on the show is a real cash cow worth a six-figure paycheck:

According to multiple sources, contestants on the ABC competition series make $125,000 for the show’s rehearsal period and their first two weeks on the air. If they make it to week three and beyond, they begin to earn additional fees each week. Sources say that the maximum contestants can earn is $295,000. By comparison, Spicer was making just under $180,000 during his time with the Trump administration, per a White House report released in 2017.

Nice work if you can get it!

My idea: Skip the politically “divisive booking,” as host Tom Bergeron called it, and book me on the show. I am not particularly nonpolitical, but I am free from party affiliation and boast the massive advantage of never having worked for a far-right regime. Also, I cannot dance, but I see this as a plus for winning the hearts and minds of the viewing public (and my mom). Call me, ABC!!!