Obama Totally Insinuated That Trump Has a Tiny Dick, Right?

Barack Obama spoke at the Democratic National Convention last night, putting on a classic barnburner of a speech that made jaded elder millennials like myself equal parts hopeful and cynical. But frankly, Obama back in his natural element and playing the hits from 2008 is not the headline from his speech.

He’s definitely talking about Donald Trump’s dick here in this allusion to crowd sizes, right?

That gesture when Barack Obama talks about Donald Trump’s “weird obsession with crowd sizes” 👀 pic.twitter.com/XQpVWskEyg

— The Recount (@therecount) August 21, 2024

I consulted with the Splinter sports replay officiating booth and they have confirmed the call on the field that the former president is indeed suggesting that the other former president has a teensy hog. What a world we live in. The titular photo of this blog depicts a man who knows exactly what he’s doing here as he narrows his hands closer together while bringing the entire world’s attention to it.

The only male politician I could ever envision pulling this drive-by off with that kind of incredible comedic timing is Barack Obama. Can you imagine Joe Biden trying to talk about Trump’s junk? He’d go off on a ten-minute tangent about a day he and Corn Pop spent at the local swimming hole and became men. Tim Walz? Nah. Coach Walz has been a hit so far, but the dad energy he brings to the campaign can’t really twist the knife the way that Obama’s sleek rhetorical and performative skillset can.

Obviously, Kamala Harris could ruin Trump’s life on this angle of attack, especially if the theories are true that part of why Trump cannot mount a cogent argument against Harris is because he’s battling his attraction to her (he did say she looked like Melania…). Any female politician could destroy Trump and his small crowd sizes because that’s the universal scenario that strikes sheer and utter terror into every man’s heart. Stormy Daniels has already proven the effectiveness of this line of attack, and given Trump’s massive insecurities and fragile ego, I can’t help but wonder if Kamala Harris may take a step down this path at some point now that Obama has cleared some room on it.

This is amazing. I am usually loath to celebrate performative politics, as it generally stands for everything that is wrong with our superficial and crumbling democracy and exposes us as massive hypocrites, but this ruled. I would watch Obama do a tight five just joshing about Trump’s tiny dick any day of the week. As Susan Rinkunas noted for Jezebel, the Obamas killed “when they go low, we go high” last night, and Barack literally decided to aim lower. Microscopic, perhaps.