President of the United States: 'Where's England?'

As this year’s G7 summit mercifully wound down on Monday, President Donald Trump ended his week of embarrassing himself and his country with an extended press conference where he posed a real head-scratcher to the assembled gaggle of reporters: “Where’s England?”

The president’s (rhetorical?) question came as part of a riff on US/UK relations, in which Trump heaped lavish praise on perpetual wanker Prime Minister Boris Johnson but seemed not to understand the difference between the United Kingdom and England itself.

“Where’s England? What happened to England?” Trump claimed he told Johnson recently. “They don’t use that so much any more.”

“I love the UK,” Trump added later. “I own great property in the UK.”

The president then rattled off a list of his Scottish golf resorts in Aberdeen and Turnberry, as well as his Doonbeg estate—which happens to be in the Republic of Ireland, not the United Kingdom.

Trump’s geographic aphasia came amid a decidedly low-energy, but characteristically incoherent series of questions about Russia (he’s a fan), whether or not he’s profiting off the presidency (“It’ll cost me anywhere from $3-5 billion to be president,” he said) and, bringing this whole ridiculous locomotive back into its deranged station, if he actually believes the science behind climate change—which prompted the president to brag about oil pipelines, insist he knows more about the environment than anyone else, and not answer the actual question.

As bad as this all seems, the president is already psyching himself up for next year’s G7 summit, which he keeps insisting should take place at his private golf club in Doral, FL, because “We haven’t found anything that’s even close to competing with it.”

Oh boy.