Report: Aliens Are Extremely Real

Today, the New York Times has yet another story about unidentified flying objects observed by Navy pilots. These hypersonic flying things are apparently so common that the Navy has had to create a new protocol for reporting them.

“There were a number of different reports,” Joseph Gradisher, a Navy spokesman, told the Times. In many cases, Gradisher says, “we don’t know who’s doing this, we don’t have enough data to track this. So the intent of the message to the fleet is to provide updated guidance on reporting procedures for suspected intrusions into our airspace.”

This is hardly the first time the Times has reported on the government’s secretive research into UFOs in recent years. In 2017, it reported that the Pentagon had spent $22 million looking for UFOs, and released a video of Navy pilots observing a flying object.

The many sightings, which sometimes were happening almost every day in 2014 and 2015, were reported to the Pentagon’s Advanced Aerospace Threat Identification Program. They looked at the footage of the UFOs and the descriptions from the pilots. Luis Elizondo, who used to run the program, called the reports “a striking series of incidents.”

The program, originally created by former Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, was ended in 2012 due to lack of funds, but some of the same work is now done by the Pentagon.

Navy pilots describe seeing spinning circular objects without any kind of visible engine or exhaust plume.

“These things would be out there all day,” Lt. Ryan Graves told the Times. “Keeping an aircraft in the air requires a significant amount of energy. With the speeds we observed, 12 hours in the air is 11 hours longer than we’d expect.”

One pilot even had a near-crash with one of the UFOs in 2014. The incident was reported to the Navy.

There’s even video of these objects. In one, the pilot can be heard exclaiming as the UFO flies over the ocean.

“Wow, what is that, man?” the pilot says. “Look at it fly!”

Our conclusion? Aliens are extremely real.

But some people don’t think so. Astrophysicist Leon Golub told the Times that the likelihood of the sightings being aliens “is so unlikely that it competes with many other low-probability but more mundane explanations.”

Golub added, “there are so many other possibilities—bugs in the code for the imaging and display systems, atmospheric effects and reflections, neurological overload from multiple inputs during high-speed flight.”

Astrophysicists: stop ruining our fun.