Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Literally Had a Brain Worm

Anti-vaccine activist and presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has campaigned on his relative youth compared to the geriatrics sitting at the top of each major party’s ticket, but this new revelation throws a bit of a wrench into that “my brain works and theirs doesn’t” talking point that RFK has based so much of his third-party spoiler bid around.

The New York Times reviewed a 2012 deposition in his divorce proceedings where RFK Jr. said “I have cognitive problems, clearly. I have short-term memory loss, and I have longer-term memory loss that affects me.”

He went on to say that doctors found a dark spot on his brain scans, and they concluded that he had a tumor causing all these memory issues. One doctor at New York Presbyterian Hospital eventually called him and said that the dark spot on those scans actually “was caused by a worm that got into my brain and ate a portion of it and then died.” At the same time this worm was found, RFK Jr. was also suffering from mercury poisoning, which he claimed came from eating too much tuna.

It’s pretty impressive to assert that you got mercury poisoning from eating an unreasonable amount of canned tuna and not have that be the headline out of a story. This is an all-timer of a presidential race to the bottom, where all three candidates are actively trying to alienate as wide of a swath of America as they can manage.

Even if RFK Jr. was just a normal third-party candidate no one will think about in a year like Jill Stein, this would not be news. Who cares what a man with no real institutional political power has to say in a race he is never winning?

However, this man has spent his entire life trying to make the world more dangerous for kids through his crank views on vaccines, and he and his cohort have made real progress on their dream of trying to harm America’s children. When it comes to vaccines, RFK Jr. is a dangerous person no sane human should listen to.

And he literally has brain worms! There might be a correlation here! If you find yourself agreeing with RFK Jr. on vaccines, I recommend calling your doctor and scheduling a brain scan immediately.

Those of us who don’t have parasites who have made our brains both their dinner and final resting place can see the last century of progress and the unimpeachable fact that vaccines have saved hundreds of millions of lives. They are mankind’s greatest modern marvel. Anyone trying to blunt the progress of vaccines is someone trying to halt humanity’s evolutionary march towards a healthier and better-informed species.

And they have brain worms! We now have enough evidence to assert that this may not just be a metaphorical insult, but a literal one. It’s a pretty good summation of what it takes to look at the last century of progress and decide that someone who never went to medical school actually knows more than the entire American Medical Association.

I’m so thankful for this story. It’s not often that reality overlaps with a common metaphorical insult. Anyone questioning the proven efficacy of vaccines now must combat the charge that they came to that belief because their brain is marinating in mercury and decaying parasites.