Schmuck of the Week: Beanie-Headed Dipshit Tim Pool

This week’s Schmuck of the Week is the reason I didn’t get a chance to finish last week’s version, which was taking aim at his stupid little universe anyway for going ballistic on female Algerian Olympic boxer Imane Khelif over their idiotic belief that she is transgender and shouldn’t be competing (and even if she was, it’s still not an excuse for this level of depravity). I was trying to wrap my rage into a coherent conclusion, as the avalanche of bad faith attacks on her last week was excessive even for these fools, but before I could collect my thoughts, all of a sudden, my phone exploded with notifications.

It was the Splinter Twitter account being bombarded by the most credulous idiots alive, all pointed in our direction thanks to one of the most low-effort right-wing scammers in politics today, Tim Pool, the “coward and phony” who used to be part of the Occupy Wall Street movement before he decided that his soul was for sale and got 1.7 million Twitter followers out of it.

It all began with Jared Yates Sexton’s column on the white supremacy undergirding the attacks on Kamala Harris. The piece was a historical examination of the roots of American racism and an assessment of how they play into Trump’s racist attacks on the vice president. He listed a few examples of conservatives being super normal about this whole situation as a way to dive into his main argument, and one of them included a Tim Pool tweet where he compared Kamala Harris to Hitler. Despite what Pool fans say, this piece had nothing to do with Tim Pool. He’s an aside who has no bearing on the greater argument in it.

Pool likes to pull this stupid bit where he says something that’s like ten percent dumber and more incendiary than the garbage he spews all day, and then say, “oh that’s a joke I got you!” He did that to Jared, sending an entire army of the most credulous idiots alive into both of our mentions and accusing us of getting played by a publishing a position that Pool supposedly does not endorse. I tried to keep my head down and figure out a way to tie up a piece I was struggling to thoughtfully conclude, but the notifications kept coming nonstop. Ultimately, I realized I had a professional obligation to take advantage of this moment and harness the traffic coming our way from this army of doofuses.

So I set out to Twitter to rebut Pool’s idiocy and see if I could use this moment to boost Jared’s column, and like all these right-wing cowards, Pool did not respond when challenged on substance. I still have yet to hear back on whether this similar post on Joe Biden is a joke too. Or whether all the Nazis he invites on to his show and has to beg to stop saying Nazi stuff are also his pathetic attempt at trying to be funny. I will admit that I do not understand his brand of “humor.”

Hey @Timcast is this a joke too? Just trying to figure out what weird folks like you think humor is. pic.twitter.com/1rdcKysF4D

— Splinter (@splinter_news) August 2, 2024

This set off a firestorm of Pool fans telling me how hard they were owning us, and if their plan was to give Splinter one of the greatest traffic days in our history, hoo boy are we owned. Google Analytics detected what they called “an anomaly” for the time it took place, late on a Friday, where traffic for Splinter and all other sites is usually dead as a doornail because people are out in the world at that point enjoying their lives.

But not Tim Pool’s fans! You can find them at home on a Friday, clicking on links. Every single one of these idiots spent their Friday night putting money into our pockets. Great job guys. I’m so owned.

Tim Pool is one of many goldfish-brained right-wing commentators whose sole purpose is to wake up every day with no memory of the previous one and point themselves in the direction of whatever revanchist bullshit their billionaire donors want them to go. In a way I feel sorry for Tim Pool, as he sold his personal agency to the highest bidder and now builds a legacy as the Chris Cillizza of right-wing commentators: not smart enough to earn anyone’s respect outside of the biggest schmucks alive, but somehow mainstream enough to be in everyone’s feed every day.

At least Charlie Kirk gets pats on the head every day from Harlan Crow telling him what a good boy he is. If Pool doesn’t realize at this point that these lizard people will throw him under the bus the first chance they get, then he’s even dumber than he looks with that stupid fucking beanie on 24/7.

It’s an impressive life this guy has carved out for himself, just so long as he’s made his peace with never being accepted again in the civil society he once used to inhabit. Like Martin Shkreli before him, Pool joins what will hopefully wind up being an illustrious list of right-wing dipshits helping to “own” Splinter with more traffic as we rebuild this site.