Send Incessant Political Fundraisers to the Hague Immediately

Some of you are getting a text message or an e-mail from some desperate political campaign hack as you read this. Others just did. All of you will soon enough. Everyone knows what I’m talking about, those desperate texts and e-mails from political organs affiliated with the Democratic and Republican parties that make even the most shameless people alive cringe.

YOU HAVE FIVE HOURS TO SAVE AMERICA WITH A (RECURRING) DONATION OF $17.76!

IF YOU DON’T GIVE ME $6 RIGHT NOW DONALD TRUMP WILL KILL A BABY!

PLEASE SOMEONE TALK TO ME I’VE LOST ALL ABILITY TO SPEAK LIKE A HUMAN!

While this political flotsam is the lowest-hanging of fruit to poke fun at, this garbage spewed by beings trying and failing to mimic the mouth noises made by humans is far more sinister than it looks. If you think these hysterical fundraising texts and e-mails are just annoying background noise to everyday life in a collapsing empire, think again. CNN has a new report on these operations and who they target and exploit for extremely large sums of money.

Hundreds of elderly political donors, including those with dementia, have fallen victim to Republican and Democratic political campaigns and groups.

…

Ultimately, some of these elderly, vulnerable consumers have unwittingly given away six-figure sums – most often to Republican candidates — making them among the country’s largest grassroots political donors.

The following paragraph is a test of your humanity. If your blood does not begin to boil as your skin crawls with every increasingly evil word in this paragraph, then you’re probably well-suited to a life of scamming seniors on behalf of both of our morally bankrupt political parties.

The money they gave came from pensions, Social Security payments and retirement savings accounts meant to last decades. Donors took out new credit cards and mortgages to pay for the contributions. In some cases, they gave away most of their life savings. Their cell phones and email inboxes were so full of pleas for money that they missed photos of their grandkids and other important messages.

You could not find a more succinct summation of American politics than that last sentence. Money now takes precedent over the future, leaving us with a pretty bleak-looking century ahead filled with “Doomsday glaciers” and such. Of course the Republican Party is by far the worst offender because that is their brand as mankind’s largest capital-driven obstacle to progress, but of course the Democrats do this too, because their strategy of fighting the GOP in this half-century-long lurch rightward largely amounts to if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

If you are one of the people who writes these texts and e-mails, you should be forced to light $100 on fire every time you press send–just so you can feel a fraction of the pain you’re causing. If you are one of the people who directs this whole operation, well, the French probably had a more effective plan for this kind of stuff, but the Hague will do. Theoretically this is why that place exists, even though Joe Biden has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that “international institutions” are just a cover for American hawks to look more dignified than they deserve to be as they slaughter the Global South.

ICC Prosecutor Karim Khan famously said he was told by one senior elected Western leader that the International Criminal Court was built for “Africa and thugs like Putin.” Prosecuting all criminals around the world, starting with the sadistic Americans trying to scam your grandma as we speak, would do wonders to actually build faith in a real international system that works for people and not empire.

This is yet another demonstration of how America is being stripped for parts and sold off to the highest bidder. George Washington warned about exactly this kind of anti-democratic dynamic that is inherent to all political parties in his farewell address, saying “However [political parties] may now and then answer popular ends, they are likely in the course of time and things, to become potent engines, by which cunning, ambitious, and unprincipled men will be enabled to subvert the power of the people and to usurp for themselves the reins of government, destroying afterwards the very engines which have lifted them to unjust dominion.”

America is a full-blown kleptocracy deluding itself that its democratic institutions are responsive to political will. They’re not. The Republican Party subsists on seniors with dementia while the Democrats aren’t opposed to the practice either, and the details in this CNN report prove that there are no depths both parties won’t sink to in their financially-driven race to the bottom of this empire’s collapse.