Send Me on This Voyage of the Damned

Glenn Beck, his attempted liberal makeover long behind him, is embarking on an exciting new adventure: shilling a “Cruise Thru History” on a big ol’ boat. And he’s taking Bill O’Reilly, alleged serial sexual harasser, along for the seafaring voyage!

“History is really important,” Beck said in a Facebook video this week talking about the cruise, which begins in Venice, with stops in Croatia and Greece. Where does it end? Israel, of course!

Beck also said in the video that the trip would involve “strengthening your family” but clarified that you can also buy join in “just as a couple.” Romantic!!

According to ComeSailAway.com—Styx is probably KICKING themselves for letting this domain lapse—you can join in the fun for the low, low price of $5,000 (for an “Classic Interior” cabin) to around $9,000 (“Grand Suite”).

A section marked “ACCESS PACKAGES?” delineates the still-more-rarified distinctions you can buy for even more Beck:

Three different options are available on CruiseBuilder’s CRUISE THRU HISTORY with GLENN BECK. Each offers a different level of access to the special activities planned with Glenn’s entourage. The INSIDER, VIP and INNER CIRCLE options ALL share most of the same components such as roundtrip airfare, daily tours and excursions (Italy & Israel), but the VIP and INNER CIRCLE upgrades offer more exclusive events and functions with Glenn Beck and his hosts, such as private tours in Athens, as well as onboard premiums, special affairs, dinners and onshore tours.

Unfortunately for you and I, O’Reilly, calling into Beck’s Facebook video somehow, said he’d probably be joining in Croatia.

“I will be on the cruise the whole time,” Beck reassured viewers.

Because I love pain, I very much want to partake in this voyage to the bottom of the ocean (if we’re lucky). My pitch: Send me on this thing already and buy early, before the olds buy up all the best cabins. Could it be the next poop cruise-but-political? There’s only one way to find out for sure!

“We’ll have a blast, see incredible things, and also learn about the Republic and our faith and our freedom,” Beck also said. Aye aye, captain!