Sorry but Biden's Merch Sucks Shit

This morning, I woke up to the most confusing campaign logo from the official Joe Biden campaign for president.

It began with a tweet from a former colleague insinuating that former Dance Moms star and teenage YouTuber Jojo Siwa is running for president. In 2020, who knows anymore!!

Please see exhibit A:

After briefly enjoying Gabe’s tweet (I went through a brief Dance Moms phase in college, as we all do), my attention turned to the logo itself.

Please see exhibit B:

I realized I had no idea whose 2020 logo this was. And then my train of thought over the next few seconds went a little something like this: JO 2020? I was up until midnight last night, how did I miss someone’s announcement? Or, wait, did they announce this morning? Oh, what the fuck. That is Joe Biden’s logo. LMFAO that is Joe Biden’s logo. What the fuck you can’t read this shit! Who the fuck approved this logo!??

It’s a dumb logo! It’s so dumb, there’s no other way for me to describe it. (My dear editor in chief Aleks Chan, however, has privately and publicly suggested that the logo stands for “JACK OFF.”)

I wish I could tell you it ends there, dear reader, but as you may suspect, it sadly does not. As if Biden’s shitty logo wasn’t enough, his team has printed it on things for people like you and me to buy with our real money, that they expect us to openly wear on our bodies and on our babies’ bodies. What wishful thinking!

Take this baby onesie with the pun “JO(E???) IS THE ONESIE.”

Or this equally cursed tote bag, in which the Biden campaign tries their second attempt at a marketable pun: TOTES FOR JO(E….? E).

Get it! It’s a tote bag! That says you’re totally for Joe! So fun.

And just in case you haven’t been convinced that Biden 2020 is the lifestyle brand you want decorating the next 19 months of your life, look no further than the campaign’s third pun swing-and-a-miss.

Could it be a toiletries bag that reads “Joe-Shave Joevember 2020”?

Perhaps a baseball cap with the embroidered slogan that voting Biden is “a Joe-brainer”?

No, it’s a coffee mug. A coffee mug with the phrase, “Cup O’ JO[E].”

They’ve outdone themselves with this one—it’s especially difficult to decipher JO vs. JOE on the mug because the E disappears behind an image of the former vice president wearing aviators.

If it’s any consolation, all of us here at G/O Media feel your pain, J/O. Alas, what a pitiful, and perhaps appropriate, campaign rollout from a candidate who’s been a real jerkoff in recent months and will surely become more insufferable before this is all said and done.