Steve Mnuchin Assures Public That the Economy Is Totally 100 Percent Fine 

You may have heard that the stock market, after being good for awhile, is now bad. This turn of events is making President Trump and his administration nervous—the strong economy (which was almost certainly not the result of Trump’s policies) is one of the president’s favorite bragging points.

In response, Trump is allegedly considering firing the Federal Reserve chairman Jerome Powell, who he blames for the economic instability. These rumors have led to more instability, and frantic attempts on the part of Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin to reassure everyone that the economy is A-OK.

On Twitter today, Mnuchin said that he spoke with the CEOs of six major banks, assuring the public that they have plenty of money and absolutely nothing bad is about to happen.

“We continue to see strong economic growth in the U.S. economy with robust activity from consumers and business,” Munchin said in his released statement. “With the government shutdown, Treasury will have critical employees to maintain its core operations.”

This definitely sounds like something you’d put up on Twitter two days before Christmas when everything is fine and there’s nothing to worry about!

Last week, the Dow fell by 7 percent, showing the worst weekly average since 2008, when the Great Recession began. The NASDAQ was down by 3 percent, and many major technology stocks fell as well. The stock market in general was on pace for the worst December since the actual Great Depression.

But again, everything is fine!

Merry Christmas!