The all-time sickest burns of Donald Trump, from 28 years of SNL's 'Weekend Update'
Donald Trump’s life story has been examined in almost every imaginable medium: in magazine profiles, salacious books, and even a satirical biopic starring Johnny Depp.
But perhaps nothing captures the public’s attitude toward Trump like the decades of jokes, barbs, and insults that the real estate magnate has endured on Saturday Night Live‘s “Weekend Update” segment.
From Dennis Miller to Norm MacDonald, and Tina Fey to Michael Che, Trump has remained a frequent target of SNL’s signature mock news segment. The jokes also serve as a mini-biography for Trump: his marriages, his real estate failures, his Apprentice years, and his entrance into politics.
To get a taste of SNL’s long-running attacks on Trump, I combed through the Weekend Update archives for jokes about The Donald. Here are some of the best of the last 28 years—including one made two Saturdays ago, on the final Weekend Update of SNL‘s 41st season.
1988
Dennis Miller: “Donald Trump today pledged to donate $1.5 million to Mother Teresa, on the condition that she change her name to Mother Trump.”
1990
Dennis Miller: “As a last resort to save Atlantic City’s Taj Mahal, Donald Trump has finally decided to sell all that he has left. The former millionaire’s ego will be auctioned off at Christie’s later this week.”
1991
Kevin Nealon: “Donald Trump’s mother was mugged for $14 this week. Police are looking for this suspect.” [sketch of Donald Trump]
1996
Norm MacDonald: “This week Donald Trump announced that he won 20 million dollars by betting on Evander Holyfield in his recent fight with Mike Tyson. Trump says he went public with his huge gambling win, just in case there are a few people out there who still don’t hate him.”
1999
Norm MacDonald: “Real estate mogul Donald Trump announced this week that after three-and-a-half years of marriage he is seeking a divorce from wife Marla Maples. According to Trump, Maples violated part of their marriage agreement when she decided to turn thirty.”
Colin Quinn: “In a television appearance this week, Donald Trump said that if elected president, he would appoint himself U.S. Trade Representative and then, quote, ‘Our partners would have to negotiate across the table from Donald Trump.’ Hey, isn’t this the same guy who got outsmarted by Merv Griffin?”
2000
Colin Quinn: “Donald Trump’s announcement Monday that he will not vie for the Reform Party Presidential nomination has left the remaining candidates scrambling for that all-important elderly, casino slot machine addict vote.”
2001
Tina Fey: “The Victoria’s Secret fashion show was televised Thursday night on ABC. Among the celebrities in attendance was billionaire Donald Trump checking out the new fall line of girlfriends.”
2004
Jimmy Fallon: “Donald Trump announced this week that he’s getting married for the third time to model Melania Knavs. Trump also announced that somewhere in the world, his forth wife was just born.
When Trump proposed, he gave Knavs a 12-karat diamond ring worth $2 million. It would actually be worth more had he not insisted on carving Trump Engagement Ring on the side.”
Amy Poehler: “This week, Donald Trump introduced a new twelve-inch doll of himself that speaks seventeen different phrases, which is amazing, as that’s five more than the real Donald Trump. Not included in those phrases: ‘I have a great deal of dignity.'”
2005
Amy Poehler: “Donald Trump and producer Mark Burnett are reportedly considering creating a Broadway musical based on ‘The Apprentice.’ The pair came up with the idea when neither one of them could find a match to set fire to a pile of money.”
2009
Amy Poehler: “Donald Trump announced Tuesday that despite the controversy over Miss California Carrie Prejean’s stand on gay marriage and racy pre-pageant photos, she will keep her crown. Hm, who’d have ever imagined Donald Trump would side with the hot lady who likes to take her top off?”
2011
Seth Meyers: “Despite announcing that he would not run for President, Donald Trump insisted Monday that if he had entered the race he would have won the primary and the general election. Pretty bold, when you consider the fact that he’s not even winning his time slot.”
Seth Meyers: “Donald Trump on Tuesday announced that he is dropping out as moderator for the December 27th Republican Presidential debate. Trump decided to cancel when he learned that the candidates would also be allowed to talk.”
2015
Colin Jost: “Donald Trump said, ‘If I become president, we’ll start saying ‘Merry Christmas’ again.’ I don’t know about that, but we’re definitely gonna be saying ‘Jesus Christ’ a lot.”
2016
Colin Jost: “The NRA on Friday officially endorsed Donald Trump, I assume because they didn’t do a background check.”