The weirdest profiles from the now-defunct Tinder in Dubai (RIP)

Earlier this year, Tinder users in the United Arab Emirates hoping for hookups abruptly discovered that the app no longer works properly in that country.

As Hala Khalaf reports for Abu Dhabi-based publication The National, while users may be able to log in, photos no longer load on the popular people-connecting app.

This is a tragedy, not just because lonely types looking for love (or lust) find themselves suddenly cock-blocked, but because Tinder in the UAE was amazing. Incredible. There are weird Tinder profiles no matter where you use it, but Tinder UAE was next level weird.

Lions and tigers and machine guns, oh my.

My sister is currently living in Dubai, and before the app stopped working, she — and her friends — sent me screenshots of weird profiles they had seen on Tinder in Dubai. Of course, there were plenty of regular, humdrum profiles on Tinder in Dubai. But the odd ones are way more fun. We have no idea if these are real — all dating sites have pranksters — but we do know that they’re really weird.

For your viewing pleasure:

It’s unclear whether this is cobbled together using Photoshop or just an actual candid snap of this gentleman chilling at home, but either way, the message sent is the same: His is a King looking for a Queen. Watch the throne.

Tough to say what the best thing about this photo is: The hood? The piercing eyes? The fact that he is, for you, already unzipped?

Um, to quote Macbeth, is this a dagger I see before me?

In Dubai there’s no such thing as a no-flex zone.

In case you don’t realize that this hair ‘do says “I am awesome,” he included that information for you.

Nothing makes a lady feel safe like knowing that you’re a man with a golden gun.

Any interested parties might be put off by the fact that there doesn’t seem to be much room left in this man’s bed.

Hold that tiger! What are the chances that kitty will grow up and maim him?

Dating this man means traveling in style… and flinching from the recoil.

Dude has figured out women really care about: Horses and horsepower.

It’s unclear which of these gentlemen is the single party… perhaps it’s a special 2 for 1 deal?

The lion, the rich and the wardrobe.

“Mom, Dad, I met someone. He flies me around the world, although he’s a little noisy. See, he’s a helicopter.”

Wait, what.

Honestly, this dude seems like he’d be lots of fun at parties.

DAT STACHE.

This gentleman may have money, but poor judgment. This assessment stands even if he is the photographer and not the dude pinned to the car by a hangry lion.