This Week's Mueller Testimony Will Be Pretty Pointless, Actually

Robert Mueller has his big day in Congress coming up on Wednesday, following a weeklong postponement. But as a reminder, he would like everyone to know that he has absolutely not one iota of new information to share, which makes this entire thing kind of a waste of everybody’s time.

Mueller’s spokesperson, Jim Popkin, confirmed to reporters on Monday that Mueller will keep his testimony to what’s already been published in the 400-plus page report he submitted to the Department of Justice back in March. Though Mueller plans to give an opening statement, Popkin told Politico that it “will stick to the four walls of the report as much as that is possible.”

Apparently, this has more or less been mandated by the DOJ, at least according to an unnamed official who told Politico that the DOJ was “taking the position that anything outside the written pages of the report are things about which presidential privilege hasn’t been waived.” It’s unclear whether Mueller’s been communicating with the DOJ about what he can and cannot testify to, though considering the sheer number of times Mueller’s pointed out that he has addressed the entirety of the Special Counsel’s investigation IN THE REPORT, none of this is a surprise.

So, as expected, everyone glued to their TVs at 8:30 a.m. on Wednesday will more or less get a rehash of Amazon’s #17 bestseller mashed up with a rotating series Congresspeople trying to shove in their 15 minutes. Democrats say they hope Mueller reiterating the report on live television will at least get people talking about impeachment again, but since the House’s summer recess starts just a few days after Mueller testifies, that’s probably a pipe dream. And in the end, after all this, President Trump will get to tweet some nonsense about how even dragging Mueller in front of Congress hasn’t gotten him in any trouble.

Anyway, Mueller would like everyone to know that he really doesn’t want to do this, so thanks for fucking up his retirement.