Today Is the Day Donald Trump Became the President, Because of the Alert

Some people believe that Donald Trump became the president of the United States when he ordered the military to strike a Syrian air base with 60 Tomahawk cruise missiles. Other people—idiots—believe that Trump became the President of the United States on January 20, 2017, when he was sworn in as President of the United States. These are both wrong. Trump became the president today, when FEMA zapped an alert to every cell phone in the country in his name, just to show us that he can.

Is this a privacy nightmare? Yes. Are we eventually going to get a presidential alert that “12 Angry Democrats are burning down the Reichstag! Very sad.” Probably. But in one brief, shining, obnoxiously loud and fucking annoying moment today, Donald Trump became America’s president.