Trump Is Mad About So Many Things This Morning

Reader, it is my unfortunate duty to inform you that President Donald Trump is truly on one this morning.

“But, Rafi?” you ask. “When is he not ‘on one’?”

Great question. While it’s true that Trump’s Twitter tirades are rapidly losing their ability to shock anymore, this particular spree is impressive if for no other reason than the fact that it’s just so all over the place. Honestly, I’m imagining him running from room to room in the West Wing, mashing his thumbs on his iPhone while some schmuck staffer chases him around like a scene from Scooby Doo.

6:28 a.m.: Trump kicks things off by invoking 2018’s mutant offspring of the now-infamous “but her emails” refrain: Where are those 19,000 text messages??? (They’ve been found, and were temporarily lost simply because the FBI’s data sweeping tool was just too dang buggy.)

6:41 a.m.: Best wishes to this admitted felon!

7:13 a.m.: ‘Feel the market’ is probably what constitutes a sext in the Trump household.

7:26 a.m.: If Donald really cared about his follower count, he would do the honorable thing and chain himself to Twitter’s headquarters.

7:55 a.m.: Immigrants bad!!!!!

8:14 a.m.: Pee tape.

8:22 a.m.: Pee tape (also Hillary).

8:32 a.m.: PEE TAPE CONTINUED – HOAX?

It’s great to see a man with the nuclear codes publicly rage about six wildly disparate subjects in just over two hours. It only Tuesday.