Trump: Some of My Best Friends Are Iranian!

President Donald Trump announced on Monday that his administration will place new economic sanctions on Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamenei amid rising tensions between the United States and Iran.

But lest you think that Trump might be motivated by some sort of personal animus toward the Iranian people—or even Muslims as a whole (and whatever might give you that idea??)—the president would like the American public to know that actually, some of his best friends are Iranian!

Noting that “I lived in New York,” Trump bragged that he has “many friends that are Iranian”—not that he named any of them—which evidently gives him the requisite insight necessary for personally targeting Khamenei with a new round of sanctions.

Trump also reiterated that he’d love to negotiate with Iran over its nuclear program—despite his having walked away from the already-established deal that blocked any new Iranian atomic weapons development.

Then, just to put a cherry on this ridiculous sundae, Trump boasted to reporter that Kim Jong Un—who leads a country already in possession of nuclear bombs—sent him a very nice birthday card.