Two Giant Assholes Reportedly Scream at Each Other

Two of the Trump administration’s top ghouls apparently got into a screaming match with one another outside the Oval Office on Thursday, which honestly sounds pretty much what I’d expect on a weekday afternoon in the White House.

According to multiple reports, the argument between President Donald Trump’s national security advisor John Bolton (mustache) and White House chief of staff John Kelly (no mustache) was so heated and profanity laced that shocked White House staffers assumed one of the pair would quit as a result. So far, however, both men remain in their jobs.

CNN reported that the screaming match stemmed from last month’s record level of undocumented family crossings from Mexico into the United States. On Thursday morning, Trump threatened to send U.S. Troops and “CLOSE OUR SOUTHERN BORDER” before the arrival of a newly constituted caravan with over 1,000 asylum seekers from Central America.

While details of which specific policy points the Johns were yelling about remain murky, CNN reported that Bolton reportedly wanted to take an unspecified harder line on border crossings, demanding in the process that Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen start “doing her job.”

Kelly took the remark as a slight against his former protege Nielsen, and—ding ding ding—it was time to rumble. Ultimately, however, given each man’s grotesque anti-immigrant stances, it doesn’t entirely matter who won this particularly fight (CNN says it’s Bolton, by the way) because no matter what, we’re all the losers in the long run.

President Trump, meanwhile, is reportedly “aware” that two of his chief goons spent their afternoon yelling swears at one another, he probably won’t do anything about it unless someone mentions it on on Fox News tomorrow morning.