We Love That Classic October Heatwave, Don't We Folks?

Today is October 1. It’s still hot as fuck outside. On Thursday, October 3, the Apple weather app tells me, the high is going to be 98. You gotta be freakin’ kiddin’ me!!!

I live in Raleigh, and even moreso than usual, the summer feels like it’s never going to end. Frankly, it’s more like an unwelcome guest at this point. USA Today reported yesterday that some of the region’s largest cities could see record highs this week, which motivated me to go check out our own highest temperatures around this time. It looks like we could break that record twice this week. Unacceptable.

I say this as someone who personally believes summer is the best season and fall is the worst season, a belief for which I’m prepared to die: It’s October, and thus 98 degrees is simply too goddamn hot.

In part because of our never-ending summer, eastern parts of the U.S. have seen higher than normal cases of the mosquito-borne EEE virus. An expert told the Weather Channel that this is “consistent” with climate change—you know, that thing that Greta Thunberg keeps talking about while a bunch of a dumbass adults decide whether she’s a Nazi or deserves a pat on the head for her efforts. (This is all aside from the mass die-off of birds, bees, fish, coral reefs, and so on around the world that’s linked to the destabilization of global ecosystems.)

But enough of the climate politics. Let’s get back to what really matters: My own personal comfort. Some of you might be thinking, “Hey, you live in the South. What do you expect?” To which I say: No, and also, the notably Southern cities of Pittsburgh and Detroit could see temperatures in the high 80s today. (In the latter, it’s supposed to hit 50 on Saturday “because Michigan,” as the Detroit Free Press aptly put it.)

Apparently the October heatwave (let that phrase sink in) will finally break on Saturday. Until then, folks: I’m complaining.