We want to play this Donald Trump board game from the 1980s so, so badly

The above is a super weird commercial for TRUMP: THE GAME, a 1989 board game produced by Milton Bradley. It’s everything that one imagines when imagining stereotypical 80s excess. Everyone and everything in this commercial resembles the 1989 equivalent of a mockbuster studio’s ripoff of Wall Street.

All this commercial is missing is a disclaimer at the end saying “Warning: cocaine not included.”

Really though, we wanted to see what was inside that game that, if the commercial is to be believed, was the talk of New Yawk City in the late 80s. Thanks to the community at Board Game Geek, we know: it was a MONOPOLY knockoff that looks like it was very unwieldy and whose chief artistic inspiration was the cover art for The Fountainhead.

The note to players is also a thing of beauty.

Three highlights. Read them all in Trump’s voice:

“Now that you are about to play my game, I invite you to live the fantasy! Feel the power! And make the deals!”

“The object of the game is to make the most money. I’m talking about hundreds of millions of dollars.”

And, of course, the famous tagline (featured in the above commercial, too): “It’s not whether you win or lose, but whether you win!”

Head over to the game’s page on Board Game Geek for even more photos and Trump-related board game information.

This weekend is going to be great.

David Matthews operates the Wayback Machine on Fusion.net—hop on. Got a tip? Email him: [email protected]