Why the internet wants to buy this lame-ass 'Bachelorette' contestant a new shirt

By Fusion Staff  |  June 21, 2016 | 8:33pm
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Last night, The Bachelorette said goodbye to contestant Evan Bass, an erectile dysfunction specialist—this is my favorite television program—from Nashville. Evan was the subject of two major intertwined story arcs this season: his ongoing friction with fellow contestant Chad, who is bad, and his increasingly grating insistence that Chad pay him back for a V-neck T-shirt that he ruined. (Secondary story arc: Evan’s nose bled a lot.)

I’m happy to report that there is still good in this world. A big-hearted Bachelorette fan has launched a GoFundMe to raise a generous $150 to buy Evan a new shirt. What stake does the internet have in the wardrobe needs of a forgettable man on The Bachelorette? To paraphrase host and magical catalyst of true love Chris Harrison, let me take you on a journey.

Here is the garment in question, in its former, fully intact glory:

You see, a few weeks ago, JoJo Fletcher’s suitors were asked to perform humorous sex-themed monologues in front of a live audience. Evan ignored these instructions altogether, instead taking this opportunity to suggest that Chad was taking steroids. Chad, mad, yanked Evan’s shirt as he returned to his seat, tearing it. This is the Zapruder film of our time.

Since then, Evan—who pulled off the impressive feat of becoming less likable than Chad, a monstrous bully who threatened violence against his castmates—has repeatedly asked Chad to pay him for the damaged shirt.

In the 23 hours since it launched, the GoFundMe has raised exactly $0 to benefit Evan’s new shirt purchase, which isn’t to say that it hasn’t resonated: The page has been shared on social media more than two thousand times. You can donate to the “GET EVAN BASS A NEW RED V-NECK” fund here.

Otherwise, consider that Evan’s unfinished business will eventually trap his soul within the earthly confines of the Bachelor mansion. A midnight breeze carries a ghostly whisper through the rose ceremony: “You owe me a shirt, dude.”

Molly Fitzpatrick is senior editor of Fusion’s Pop & Culture section. Her interests include movies about movies, TV shows about TV shows, and movies about TV shows, but not so much TV shows about movies.

 
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