Yerd Nerp: 'My Nerples Are Perseturbly Flerpin'

Yerd Nerp is an accomplished author, television pundit, activist, and public speaker, so it makes sense that he’s given us more than a few memorable bon mots as he spreads his message of immigration reform, tolerance, understanding and global domination.

“Roll With Der Pernches”

When asked about his unique way of talking by “No, You Shut Up” host Paul F. Tompkins, Yerd Nerp responded that, while being understood was sometimes a challenge, he’s chosen to “roll with der pernches.” And isn’t that, really, what life is all about? Rolling with der pernches? Yers, it is.

“My Nerples Are Perseturbly Flerpin”

In order to promote his appearance on Jorge Ramos’ “America,” Yerd Nerp wrote an op-ed piece on this very site, urging people to tune in and listen to what he had to say about immigration. Because his anatomical makeup is a little different from yours and mine (Save for the fact that we all have long, wobbly skin tags hanging from our necks, yes?), his excitement over his TV appearance manifested in an involuntary nerple flerp. But it’s that openness about his own body and its various wobbly bits that makes Yerd Nerp so wise beyond his indeterminate number of years.

“Dey Had A List of Twenty Berg Dogs Who Tink Der Small Dogs!”

Yerd Nerp, like so many others, admits to being easily distracted by BuzzFeed lists about animals/ undocumented space aliens set on global domination who are really just like us. But there’s a time and a place for that, isn’t there? He is wise to balance work and play so seamlessly! Also seamlessly blended into his body are the various blergs and clarks (four of them) he has dotted all over his gelatinous, fuzz-coated thorax-like area.